What Do You Wish You’d Done Sooner?

One of the most common questions I see online — in forums, comment threads, and late-night posts — is this:

“If you’ve been through separation or divorce, what’s the advice you wish you’d taken earlier?”

I’ve also heard it in counselling rooms, mediation sessions, and from people months or years after everything has settled.

And the answers are rarely about winning, pushing harder, or rushing to court.

More often, people say things like:

• “I wish we’d tried counselling sooner.”

• “I wish I’d understood the emotional and legal process before everything became so reactive.”

• “I wish we’d had guidance from someone who understood family law and children’s wellbeing.”

That pattern tells you something important.

Why This Early Stage Matters More Than People Realise

In the early stages of separation, there are lots of practical decisions to make — parenting time, routines, finances, communication, who says what and when.

But underneath all of that, something else is happening.

Two nervous systems are under strain, trying to make life-shaping decisions while hurt, scared, angry, or overwhelmed.

When emotions are running high, clarity becomes harder to access. Conversations derail more easily. Assumptions grow. Decisions start being driven by fear or urgency rather than intention.

That’s often when separation becomes more conflictual than it needed to be.

This is where the right support can make a difference — not to fix the relationship, but to steady the process.

Why Counselling Can Help (Even If You’re Separating)

A psychologist who understands both emotional wellbeing and the family law landscape can help slow things down and bring some structure to an otherwise overwhelming time.

This kind of support can help you to:

• understand what decisions are coming before you’re blindsided by them

• reduce conflict before it escalates into legal action

• communicate with clearer boundaries when emotions are high

• prepare for mediation or parenting plan discussions

• work through practical details without pulling children into adult dynamics

• keep the focus on your child’s experience, not just the disagreement

This isn’t about doing everything perfectly.

It’s about not carrying avoidable harm into the next chapter.

Kindness Isn’t Weakness

One piece of advice that comes up again and again is this:

“Try really hard to be kind to each other and work it out together — if it’s safe to do so.”

Kindness doesn’t mean tolerating disrespect or staying silent.

It means choosing a path that protects your energy, your children, and your future co-parenting relationship.

Some couples even choose to attend counselling together — not to reconcile, but to sort through the practical decisions with support and structure, before things become adversarial.

It’s less about staying together, and more about learning how to separate in the healthiest way possible.

If You’re at the Beginning

If you’re early in this process, you don’t need to have all the answers yet.
You don’t need to feel strong every day.
And you don’t need to navigate emotional, legal, and parenting decisions on your own.

For many families, the most helpful first step is simple:

Get steady. Get informed. And don’t go through it alone.

Counselling can help you walk into mediation, legal conversations, or co-parenting discussions with clarity rather than reactivity.

And that can change the tone of everything that follows.

If you’d like support from someone who understands both the emotional landscape and the practical pathway of separation, you’re welcome to reach out when it feels right.